


Stages

by thehonestman (orphan_account)



Category: GOT7, K-pop
Genre: Cheating, Daddy Issues, Drug Addiction, Gender Confusion, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sexual Abuse, Trans Male Character, Unhealthy Relationships, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:47:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22023583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/thehonestman
Summary: It's hunting season, and Jackson never misses a shot.
Relationships: Mark Tuan/Jackson Wang, Park Jinyoung/Mark Tuan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	Stages

“He looks young,” Jackson says to Youngjae when he first sees Mark Tuan. Maybe not too young to be there, but young enough to stand out. And that he does--he’s all big doe eyes and a shy smile as he wades through the house full of loud and chaotic partygoers. It’s a hometown party, most people in attendance visiting home over the winter break of their senior year of college, but Jackson is sure he hadn’t gone to school with this kid. And there’s a lot of people there he doesn’t recognize, but this one just looks _so young._

“He’s eighteen,” Youngjae says.

“Is he in school?” Youngjae chuckles.

“Yeah. _High school_.” Jackson hums, sets out to find the host of the party.

Catching up with Jinyoung doesn’t prove to be as easy as Jackson had anticipated. The last time they’d seen each other was a few years ago, despite having been pretty close friends in high school, and it’s clear that both of them had changed to the point that they were almost unrecognizable, especially Jinyoung. Where Jinyoung used to be all soft edges and kind words, Jackson finds him now to be much more crude and intense.

“Jackson fucking Wang, man! It’s been so long!” Jinyoung is yelling in Jackson’s ear as he hugs him hello. It’s a little bit funny, for Jackson, the way he pulls back and gives him such a comically large grin. “How have you been?”

“Pretty good, pretty good,” Jackson says. “School is alright, how about you?”

“I’ve been working a lot,” is all Jinyoung says, and Jackson cocks his head. “Big tech company, it’s killing me. But I’m hanging in.” Jackson attributes Jinyoung’s new demeanor simply to a cutthroat profession and the ensuing stress, one of those douchebag Wall Street types who prey on women and pick meaningless fights.

“At least you’ve got a job.” Jackson grimaces once he says it, realizing it came out much harsher than intended. He looks up to Jinyoung to see if he would pick a fight with him, but it doesn’t seem that Jinyoung has heard him at all. In fact, he’s not even looking at him. Jackson watches his eyes float around the room, watches his face twist into a dissatisfied scowl when he can’t seem to find what he wants. “What’s up?” Jackson asks, but in an instant, Jinyoung’s face lights back up when he seems to have caught eyes with someone. His eyes snap back to Jackson.

“Come meet my boyfriend.”

From up close, Mark is a lot different than what Jackson had seen from across the room. Here, Jackson can see that those doe eyes are actually not big and watery at all, they’re drifty and hazy, and his shy smile is actually a slow, lazy grin that creeps up on his face every few minutes, but never meets his eyes. He’s still so beautiful, though, and it probably has to do with his youth. He is innocent and sweet and gentle in his actions, completely inoffensive and clearly not one to ever put up a fight. He’s just so feminine and small with a baby face and sharp teeth, and Jackson wants to break him every time he catches a certain glow on his cheekbones.

“Where do you go to school?” Jackson asks Mark, purely to make conversation, even though he knows he’s not in college. Jinyoung tightens the arm around Mark’s shoulders as he answers for him.

“He graduates in the spring,” is all he says. Mark nods and his face once again morphs into that slow, heavy grin but his hazy eyes say that there’s nothing behind that smile at all. Jackson assumes he’s too drunk, but there’s no drink in his hand. 

Eventually, Jinyoung leaves Mark and Jackson alone to go find someone else briefly, and this is where Jackson actually hears Mark’s voice for the first time. It’s rather distant, the way he speaks, as if his words are detached from their meaning. And right away Jackson is sure that there’s something quite special about him. Despite him being exactly Jackson’s type--pretty and soft and maybe a little dumb--Mark has some distinct quality about him that makes Jackson think that if this goes anywhere in the direction that he hopes it does, it’s going to be quite memorable. And even after talking to him for a bit and becoming friendly with him, it’s still not a quality Jackson can put a label on. The closest thing would be the word _ditzy._

 _Ditzy_ , because Mark is always just _slightly_ out of it. Not enough to be completely removed from the conversation, but enough to assure Jackson that he’ll be easy to take. He seems to just float through conversation, head vacant. More often than not, Jackson asks Mark a question only to be given a response that only somewhat makes sense, like when he responds, “I’m not sure, I still have to check,” when Jackson asks “Where are you looking to go to school?” Quickly, Jackson picks up on the fact that Mark is just helplessly, incalculably stupid, but he likes him that way. It’s kind of funny, and so easy, and it only makes him want to learn more about him.

“Oh, yeah,” Youngjae says slowly when Jackson asks him about Mark again. He looks at him carefully. “He’s a little . . .” He trails off, using his hand to gesture toward his forehead in a spinning motion.

“He’s not from here.”

“No, he’s from a few towns over, I just knew him as a friend of a friend.”

“And why is he . . . ?” Youngjae chews his lip.

“He just has a lot of issues. Real bad family, you know. And now he’s . . . pretty medicated.” Youngjae looks over his shoulder to see if anyone is around. “It’s pretty sad, honestly. He’s so young. But I don’t know much about him, so don’t take my word for anything.” Out of all Youngjae says, Jackson only picks up on the word _medicated._ Jackson’s thoughts are racing, trying to put some pieces together. He’s obsessed with Mark already, there’s no questioning that. He loves that he’s fucked up, too, because that makes him exactly Jackson’s type: pretty and taken and _vulnerable_.

From where he is standing, Jackson can see that Mark is sitting in a group of people around a coffee table, but he has sunken himself into a dark corner, seemingly trying to separate himself from the others physically, mentally. And if Jackson hadn’t been watching that closely at that exact second, he definitely would have missed Mark reaching into his pocket and then popping something into his mouth with his head turned toward the wall. And from then on, Jackson watches Mark closely as sleepy smiles grow on his face as he relaxes into the scene.

From next to him, Jinyoung jabs Mark in the side for not paying enough attention to the group.

“So how did you meet Jinyoung?” Jackson asks Mark a bit later after having purposely bumped into him again. They’re standing in a group amongst Jackson’s former friends, purposely making Jackson the only person Mark somewhat knows. Jinyoung is nowhere to be seen.

“Actually at a party, like this. About a year ago.” Jackson does the math in his head, and it doesn’t look too good. But he won’t assume anything.

“So are you going to go to school close to Jinyoung when you graduate?”

“Not sure yet,” Mark sighs. “He’s working in the city so I’ll probably move in with him and go to school nearby.”

“Wow,” Jackson whistles. “So no traditional college experience for you.”

“Well we’ve been long distance for a while. It’ll get better when we’re closer.”

“Get . . . better. . .” Jackson doesn’t ask anything directly, just waits for Mark to fill in the gap. Mark looks uncomfortable then. Looks trapped. It’s the first time Jackson sees him without that dopey smile.

“I don’t know, it’s just.” Mark stops talking then, and just laughs a hearty laugh.

“What?” Jackson pushes.

“I’m just not too sure about it yet.”

“Why not?” Mark smirks.

“You sound like my mother. Interrogating me like this.” _Real bad family_ , Jackson recalls. He apologizes. Mark continues anyway: “I think I have to sort out my own problems first."

“That’s understandable.”

“Plus, it’s just,” Mark inhales deeply, “Jinyoung.”

“What do you mean?”

“He gets mad at me a lot. He just gets so mad, and I never know why, and it’s a whole thing.” Mark’s face scrunches up in stress. Jackson wants to slap it.

“He doesn’t tell you why he gets mad?”

“No, he just gets mad and doesn’t tell me clearly why and then tells me I wouldn’t understand anyway.” There are a lot of things Jackson could say here. He could say that Jinyoung is probably right, that Mark is too out of touch to understand why he’s mad. He could say that Jinyoung probably gets mad at him _because_ he’s so out of touch. He could say that Jinyoung gets mad at him because he knows about his drug habit. He could say all of that, but he can’t say why they’re even still together.

“Well, you guys seem to have lasted for a good while,” he settles on. “You must have a pretty solid foundation.”

“No, I know. I mean I definitely love him,” Mark says, but Jackson wonders what type of love it is. “I need him. He keeps me good.” Jackson rocks back, then takes a step closer, leaning in to speak in a low voice.

“I know what else is keeping you good,” Jackson taunts, and Mark looks genuinely confused. Jackson wants to crush him. He just smiles as he reaches into his inside coat pocket and pulls out a bag of pills, shaking them in Mark’s face briefly. Jackson watches closely as Mark’s face goes from a dazed “O” to a shy smile. He blushes and tucks his head down into his chest. It reminds Jackson of just how young he is once again.

“That’s good,” Mark says, and Jackson puts the bag away. 

“I’m assuming that’s what Jinyoung means when he gets mad.” Mark just nods, relenting to being found out. “I won’t get mad at it,” Jackson says. Mark listens, looking pleased. “I can help.”

For the rest of the night, Mark sticks to Jackson when he’s not sticking to Jinyoung or stepping into the bathroom. It’s a little creepy, really, the way Mark is so absent as a person that he relies on everything else to exist for him, Jinyoung and the pills for starters, and now he’s already clinging to Jackson. But there’s something about that twisted part of Mark that Jackson is absolutely obsessed with, the way he always gets obsessed with his boy finds. Jackson’s a little freaked out, but Mark is so kind and delicate and easy, he can’t stop himself.

And it’s not necessarily corruption that interests Jackson, because logically he knows that Mark is already corrupted by a bad relationship and a pill addiction and possibly something else. It’s more about the forbiddenness of their interactions that always draws Jackson to people that he shouldn’t have. Jackson is like a hunter, sitting and watching and stalking his prey until the perfect time to strike. And now it’s hunting season, and Jackson never misses a shot. 

“What are you doing later tonight?” Mark seems even smaller as Jackson leans down to talk directly into his ear.

“Nothing.”

Jackson lets him know he’s glad, and starts to make his intentions very clear. Jackson’s never been one for physical contact, always shying away from his more touchy-feely friends. But with the way Mark follows him around like a dog, it’s easy to take advantage of the situation. He starts touching Mark a lot more, at first a passive hand on his lower back as he passes by, a grip on his forearm when he says something funny. Mark doesn’t seem to react outwardly to any of this, just keeps his same, empty smile aimed at all the people around him. Jackson kicks his flattery up a notch.

“You’re really cool, you know. I’m glad you ended up with Jinyoung. We should really hang out more all together.”

“Definitely,” Mark says without thinking, and Jackson leans into him. He drops a hand on Mark’s thigh, but again, Mark doesn’t actually show much of a reaction, almost like he’s used to this. But how could someone be used to their partner’s friends hitting on them? Jackson doesn’t like his novelty being stripped away like that. But when Mark looks like that, so tender and beautiful, Jackson imagines Mark must get this kind of attention all the time. 

But more and more, Mark accepts Jackson’s touch. He doesn’t at all seem repelled by it, just continues to let Jackson take the lead in their interactions, make all the moves without putting anything out there himself.

Admittedly, Jackson feels the way he’s talking to Mark shift. He doesn’t exactly talk down to him, but feels his maturity and mental age crumbling, reverting to his own high school days. He’s employing the same tactics of basic flattery to build up his persuasion, and Mark’s seeming innocence is just an added bonus, because as immature and Jackson feels himself being, he knows Mark won't catch on to the way he's exploiting him. _Pretty and dumb_ , Jackson thinks. _Just how I like them._

The only time Mark takes notice of Jackson’s touches is when he lets his hand drift from his knee and up his inner thigh. Mark looks between Jackson’s eye and his hand once it’s high enough to have caught his attention. He bites his lip, but he’s not really smiling. He looks more pensive and resigned than turned on, but he leaves with Jackson anyway.

Getting back to Jackson’s house happens easily enough, just slipping out when it’s still early enough in the night for things not to be suspicious. And still the entire way over, Jackson can’t figure out if Mark is pretending not to know what’s happening in order to be coy or if he genuinely is that stupid. If so, this goes beyond normal stupidity. But it can’t be, because he clearly recognizes Jackson’s advances for what they are, but he just keeps that doll smile on his face, empty and inhuman, all his attention on Jackson, soft and sweet, just so pliable and willing to take whatever Jackson gives him.

In the bedroom, the lights are low and the music is loud as Jackson crushes up some pills and arranges them into lines on his desk. He snorts a line, looks back to Mark, and Mark gives him a knowing, closed-mouth smile before coming over silently to snort some himself. He only does one line, then heads back toward the bed before Jackson grabs him by the arm and pulls him back over. 

“More,” he commands. And Mark obeys. They each do a few more lines, letting themselves get looser and looser as the music infests their ears more and more. “Ketamine,” Jackson says, though Mark hadn’t asked. 

Once they’re good and high, floaty and weightless, Jackson turns to face Mark and places one hand on his collar roughly. He can tell he’s caught Mark off guard, but Mark doesn’t resist one bit. He steps back, not breaking eye contact with Jackson as he sits silently on the bed, and as if on instinct, removes his own shirt and spreads his legs. Jackson has never been so in love; he can’t believe how easy this is. When he looks into Mark’s face, he’s just staring up at him from the bed, looking smaller than ever, with a receptive, expectant gaze, as if he’s just waiting to get it over with.

Jackson joins him on the bed, running his hands slowly over his torso before going down to remove Mark’s pants. As he does, Mark reaches his hands up to Jackson’s shoulders, pulling himself up so they’re face to face. Jackson looks up from his jeans just in time to see Mark lean in, but Jackson pulls away before he can kiss him. Mark furrows his brows briefly and tries one more time. But again, Jackson pulls away.

“Not yet,” Jackson whispers. Mark bites his lip and nods, setting himself back down against the bed. Jackson returns to his task of undoing Mark’s pants, and once he finally gets him entirely naked, he stops dead in his tracks when he finds that Mark very much does not have what he was expecting to see down there.

“Oh,” Jackson says. “You’re . . .” he trails off. The word _transgender_ sits heavy on his tongue, but it’s not a word on Mark’s mind at all. He stays mute as Jackson reaches down and touches him, runs his fingers over his sex lightly and then just sits and stares for a moment. From this angle, Mark looks even more fragile and weak than he had earlier. Mark keeps his thin legs wide open, doesn’t hide himself from Jackson’s heady gaze at all despite his full-body flush. He just watches Jackson’s eyes curiously, gauging his reaction to what he sees.

“People like it,” Mark says simply, and Jackson snaps his eyes up to meet his. It’s definitely a curious statement, but when Mark beams at him, Jackson’s not at all put-off, even though he gets the sense that it might be one of the _only_ things people like about him. So he continues what he’d been doing; letting Mark undress him, then touching and moving until Mark is finally taking him in, Jackson moving to the rhythm of the music playing around them. Mark is quite sweet in bed, Jackson finds. So complacent and malleable, it’s like he’s a kid. And Jackson can’t get enough of him. He pulls out at one point, touching Mark between his legs with his fingers again. Mark squirms.

“Looks so fucking good,” he coos. “I bet a lot of people have touched you here,” he finishes before going back in and moving again. It’s simply dirty talk; it doesn’t really mean anything, and he knows exactly what he’s doing when he talks to Mark like a child. It’s all part of the scene, for Jackson; it just adds to the fantasy he’s desperately chasing, which Mark does a remarkably natural job contributing to. He’s not expecting a response, anyway, but Mark actually takes him seriously, trying to form a coherent response through the perpetual fog in his brain.

“Jinyoung likes it a lot,” he whispers. Jackson speeds up then, growing more and more excited at the reminder of the very illicitness of their affair. But the dirty talk hasn’t exactly worked on Mark, so he tries a new approach.

“Jinyoung, huh? What would he think if he saw you here right now?” But again, Mark takes him seriously. Too seriously.

“He knows,” is all Mark says, in no distinct tone, and Jackson stutters in his movements a bit. Mark says it so dismissively, but Jackson can’t tell if that was part of a scene or if Jinyoung, somehow, really _does_ know. He can’t believe that, though. So he assumes that this is just what gets Mark going, and it’s fine by him, even though he’s not particularly keen on it.

“Oh, yeah?” is all he can think to say. And suddenly it occurs to Jackson that Mark doesn’t actually look like he’s enjoying this at all; he’s just lying there, holding his legs up and _taking taking taking_ while Jackson is _feeling feeling feeling._ Jackson’s never hunted an animal who doesn’t enjoy sex, but it seems that Mark is treating this like it’s a job. 

“Dad,” Mark breathes out then. Jackson is close to finishing, and he assumes that this is now Mark’s attempt at expressing some kind of Daddy kink, so he encourages him to go on. Once again, Mark is so special, to Jackson. So unique and full of surprises, that a Daddy kink is the most common thing about him. 

Jackson wants to get him to finish, too, just wishes he could get a proper read on him to get him there. But Mark struggles to make himself clear, and Jackson knows it’s partially because of the drugs and probably also something else, but as he gets closer and closer to finishing, his attraction towards Mark’s innocence starts to diminish, and he wishes he could just say what he’s thinking for once. But as soon as Mark opens his mouth again, Jackson wishes he’d never tried to get to know him at all.

“My dad likes it, too. He always says it’s like a flower. Like my mother.”

Mark’s eyes flicker open when he feels Jackson stop, and he looks up at him with the same big doe-eyes Jackson had first seen from across the room. Jackson looks into his eyes and sees a missing childhood but suddenly, Mark is so much more of a kid.

“What is it?” Mark asks.

“Um.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” Jackson is quick to cut in. “No, you didn’t do anything. You’re fine. I just . . . felt like we needed to stop.” Mark just gives Jackson the same smile he’d been giving him all night, feeling blindly happy and safe, but now the smile has taken on an entirely different meaning. Jackson leers back at him fearfully, like taming a wild animal.

For the third time in the night, Mark leans up to try to kiss Jackson. His stomach burns with panic, everything suddenly moving so quickly as he watches Mark approach, and instead of letting him down gently, Jackson jerks harshly away as if Mark was on fire. He can’t look Mark in the face for a moment, knowing he’s probably set something off, caused some unstoppable breakdown. And he has, which he knows for sure when he hears Mark lower himself down onto the bed, and Jackson finally turns to watch as with no great tact or elocution, Mark curls up into a ball on his side facing away from Jackson, presses his legs tightly together, and buries his face in his hands as he sobs. They are loud, ugly, raw sobs, but it’s the most human thing Jackson’s seen him do all night.

Jackson feels his stomach fill with something he can only describe as disgust. And for the first time in his life, guilt sits heavy on his shoulders for preying on someone so vulnerable like this. Of course he hadn’t known just _how_ vulnerable, and he probably will never quite know exactly, but there’s too much swarming in his head, too many pieces struggling to fit themselves together.

Really though, nothing too crazy had happened between them, Jackson reassures himself. But still he can’t shake the feeling that suddenly everything is different, and that he’s committed some kind of irreversible wrong. And it _is_ irreversible, and there’s nothing to do now, so all he can do is sit there and watch Mark cry. And once Mark finally cries himself to sleep, Jackson lies down and lets himself sleep too.

In the morning, Jackson advises Mark to see himself out.

Just a few short weeks later, Jackson runs into Mark out at a bar when he plans to meet up with Jinyoung, unknowing that Mark would be there. As soon as he walks in and sees Mark from across the room, his chest swells with the same anxiety he’d been feeling ever since he got with him. When he watches Mark’s animal eyes flick up to Jinyoung, his brain starts running over the countless options of how things could go down when they have to talk to each other. Mark will either avoid him and leave Jinyoung to wonder what had happened between them, or Mark will lash out at him and Jinyoung will turn against him, or Mark will talk to him normally and he’ll have to lie to Jinyoung’s face. None of the options seem favorable, and he considers leaving and texting Jinyoung that he had to leave due to a personal issue. It wouldn’t be a lie.

But what actually does end up happening when he talks to Mark is surprising. As he approaches, Mark greets him as if everything is normal; he hugs him hello and he smiles that special smile.

“I’ve missed you,” Mark beams at him, and Jackson feels like vomiting.

Jinyoung is right at Mark’s side, one arm tossed loosely over his shoulders. And when Jackson looks up to Jinyoung hesitantly, fearful that he might catch on, he’s again surprised when he finds a very knowing look on Jinyoung’s face. Jinyoung’s eyes are ablaze with mirth as he flicks his eyebrows suggestively, nodding his head towards Mark, like he knows what has happened between them. Jackson can’t assess this situation properly, and it must show on his face, because Jinyoung nods at him then, telepathically confirming his suspicions that he knows. 

He doesn’t look angry at all, though. His grin looks genuine and delighted, as if he’s getting off on Jackson’s confusion and Mark’s oblivion. Jackson’s brain is a mess, and panic creeps up on him as he realizes that he’s gotten involved in something way more complex and salacious than anticipated, and that Mark’s not stupid, just messed up in his head, and that there’s something very wrong about him, but it’s not that he’s _ditzy._ Mark places a hand on Jinyoung’s chest and Jackson thinks that it’s sad, really, the way Mark clings to people. He’ll probably never be independent, but Jackson hopes that one day he might. He’s still young, after all. So, so, painfully young.

“It’s okay,” Jinyoung says to Jackson, and Jackson laughs nervously. He’s stunned speechless, just looks from Jinyoung’s eyes to Mark’s, but Mark still just stares, eyes glazed over in that same way that lets Jackson know that he isn’t registering anything anyone's saying: far too many drugs in his system, far too much confusion in his brain, far too many developmental stages missed.

Jinyoung smiles at Jackson, Jackson smiles at Mark, and Mark smiles at the ground.

It’s hunting season.


End file.
